Momtasic

Tuesday, August 09, 2005

Mother

I need an honest opinion about this. I have been having some feelings about my mother, generally good, but some not so good. Mainly I have come to believe that my mother might be one of those people who have to have attention directed at them and no one else. Now I love my mother to distraction, just like she loves Baby V and me but sometimes the things she does put me on an edge.
My primary example happened while I was giving birth. I was induced and opted for no epidural. My mother flew in from Boston to Florida and was with us in the labor room. So after 20 hours of labor Baby V decides to come out facing the wrong way (head down but face up) and gives me back labor and I am still only dilated to 6. Now regular labor I could handle but back labor was horrid. After 3 more hours I decide that it might take me 10 more hours to get dilated to 10 and I couldn’t do it, so give me the goddamn epidural NOW. The Dr. is also saying that they might end up giving me a C-section soon so I might as well take away pain. It takes them an hour to find the woman with the miracle drugs, and the whole hour my mother behaves badly. First she tells me that I can do it without the meds, that I am stronger then that, and basically if I give in I am a failure. When the cart with the drugs arrives she starts bawling and leaves the room saying that she is SO disappointed! So for one hour of pain I was really feeling it because I could not do any of the umm ‘pain relieving’ techniques. I was too busy trying to convince my mom that epidurals were not the end of the world and I was not a bad person for getting one.
I guess I lucked out because by the time she stormed out in tears I asked a nurse if I could go to the bathroom, and after checking they were like ‘you are a 10, get the Dr., it is time to PUSH!” So to this day my mom tells me that Baby V coming into this world without drugs was her achievement, and reminds people that she tells my birth story to that if not for her I would have drank the drugs and passed out. REALLY? I think the drug free part was all Baby V! He got scared when he heard epidural and made a hasty exit (can I call 2 hours of pushing hasty?). If anything my mom made at least one hour of labor worse. Although I got to say she made like 5 other hours great by singing with me during contractions. So comments on this?
I have about 3 other examples of her doing similar things. When baby V was sick we took an ambulance ride to children’s hospital and when we got there like 5 people came up to us and said that the baby’s mother was in the waiting room. Then they stared at me like I should not be there, because I must be like no one to the baby. One nurse even asked to see some ID, from ME. Do you know what it feels like when everyone begins to doubt that you are the mother? I know that she was just worried but still. The other 2 times are less significant and not worth talking about. I will however if someone asks JBasically can everyone tell me if I am blowing things out of proportion and if I should just shut it and enjoy my wonderful mother. I have to say that I have never said anything to her but that I am just simmering here and maybe need some of you to dump some cold water one me. So … GO!
Love,
Me

3 Comments:

  • You want to know what I think? I think moms are put on Earth to drive their kids crazy. My mom drives me crazy all the time, sometimes with what she does and sometimes with what she says. When I was in labor I didn't let her anywhere near the delivery room. She was outside the maternity ward with my dad. I just knew that if she was in the room with me I would go crazy. So you know what they did? They called the nurses station every half an hour to see how I was doing and that meant that a nurse would come into the room and tell me that. At one point Jesse had to leave the room to go and talk to them and at that point my contractions were coming pretty close together. Let me tell you, I was NOT happy. Thankfully he told them to stop bothering the nurses and that we'll let them know as soon as the baby is here. I think they did. When the baby came the advice started pouring in. See, I'd be happy if it was just advice but no, she was telling me how I was doing things wrong. If you listened to my mother I haven't done a single thing rightwhere my daughter is concerned. I had a really hard time getting her to nurse in the beginning. Every time I tried she would scream her little head off. So I had nothing left to do but to pump every 3 hours, morning, day and night. My dear mommy of course told me that Emma wasn't nursing because I was lazy and I wasn't trying hard enough. I don't think I've heard her say once that I was doing something right with my daughter but she always finds things that I do 'wrong.' To make this long story short, you are not imagining things and if it really start to get to you, you should tell your mom how you feel. I did. They mean well, I just don't think they realize how it comes off.

    By Anonymous Sveta, at 8/10/2005 11:46 AM  

  • Sveta I know what you are saying. I remember when i just had Baby V your mom came to visit and told me about how 'wrong' you burp the baby and then she saw me do the exact same thing. My mom does the nagging too, and most of the time I give in because otherwise she gets all upset and stuff, of course i end up doing things my way when she goes away. I admit you do have a tougher time because you stand up to your mom, my mom thinks i do what she wants. Hmm in school i was opnce called a spineless jellyfish (very fitting at the time) and i am SO that when it comes ot my mom and Baby V. So you go Sveta.
    Love,
    Me

    By Blogger Me., at 8/10/2005 2:22 PM  

  • I think moms can sometimes be dense. Sometimes you have to come out and say something emphatically for them to get it. My theory is years of handling life gives them a lot of confidence, which is rocking. But then sometimes it needs the reining in. I know with my mom, if there's a problem, there's no hinting or hoping, I have to go, hey, you know what, just stop that. Usually goes somewhat well. :)

    By Blogger shannon, at 8/12/2005 8:35 PM  

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