Something happened in the Land of Oz on Sunday.

I decided to expand my walking repertoire and walk downtown that fateful morning. Of course the streets were deserted, it was after all Sunday 8am and all normal people without children were sleeping. When I neared our post office a giant lady in red raced across the street towards me. She first asked if I needed a baby sitter, then obviously begged for money. If I did not have Baby V with me I would have told her to shove it, but as she pointed out I had a little helpless baby (so cute and all) so I couldn’t exactly run away. She was asking for $10.00, saying how she needed new shoes (the old ones looked fine) and she hadn’t eaten in 2 days (if I told my dad that and I looked like her he would have told me I could easily got 4 without any loss) and she had already tried to commit suicide. The last statement was what got my blood boiling. Who the hell does that bitch think she is to lie like that, her umm suicide was scratch on her wrists. If she was going to lie why not make it sound believable. Sorry but she had obviously eaten that morning, she smelled of food, had good shoes, and never attempted suicide. Why does she feel the need to lie while getting in my face and demanding money, why not just say, ‘give me money, you have nowhere to run!” Oh I know she couldn’t do that, but hey maybe make something up about diabetes or something, at least then I wouldn’t want to point out that when committing suicide you slice down not across and much deeper, hasn’t she watched any movies? Needless to say I am $5 poorer this Monday. Thank God I did not bring any bigger bills! When she got the five she actually asked for five more, the nerve! Mostly I am mad at myself, but then what could I do? Any ideas? Or should I just avoid downtown when there is no one around?

Weight Loss 101

Internet if I do not reach 200lbs by my birthday (Dec 8th) you have my permission to throw rotten tomatoes at me. I will not divulge how much I am right now, but I have more then 15lbs to go and less then 20. I think I am giving myself plenty of time, and if I don’t turn into a thirsty turtle again (gained at least 3lbs from that adventure) and don’t stuff myself with take out every week I might make it. So let the countdown begin. Oh and this is the time to offer reasonable weight loss suggestions.
The thing is I need to loose like 70 lbs before I get pregnant again. And I REALLY want to get pregnant again. I would give anything to be PG like right now, but I can’t. Angie has mentioned that if I get that thin I might never want to get fat again, but I think I would. The day I hit 160lbs I am going off birth control and jumping DH EVERY night. Oh yeah that is the other news, I went to the GYN/OB and they prescribed (surprise, surprise) Birth Control pills to control my month long periods. I am not anemic just in need of some hormone therapy. Mom should be pleased.
Now that we are talking moms this is what mine threw out there the other day, “You just don’t want to loose weight that is why you are not!” Right, I walk an hour every day and try to eat less because I hate desert and love small portions, sounds like me, Right!
Well let me add into this random post a link to this: http://www.jamespiatt.com/sundaebest.html Perhaps a NY city type of girl might really need this. J
And if you ever and I mean ever want to get me something off the internet in the next couple of months, please think of this; http://www.ipodmybaby.com/ but keep in mind I will love you regardless of presents, because you add so much to my life already. No sarcasm intended.
I hope everyone enjoys this random post, can’t wait to see the response.
Love,
ME

Morning Route

Baby V and I take walks every morning and most evenings, so before and after the day heats up. On our morning route there are two notable houses. One is a spectacular green house that even has a name (but I can’t read it or remember it) and an old Greek couple owns the other.
Now the green house is simply indescribable, it looks like it owned by a single family and long ago sat alone on like 5 acres of land, not surrounded by cheap houses with half numbers (48 ½ A). I dream about that house and living in it, but the property taxes would probably bankrupt us even before the mortgage would.
The Greek house is unique in SO many ways. First of all upstairs in place of a window, or a door, there is a painting of the Greek countryside and of course a Greek walking. On the front lawn is a badly sculptured statue of liberty and near the entrance there are two sculptures of apostles (I think). All of these works of art were created by the Greek man, who speaks to me (sometimes to my mom) in broken English. So far I know that he speaks a little Greek, a little Russian, a little Italian, a little English, but I have yet to find out what language he speaks a lot of. He has told me that I should work because if I don’t I’ll be lazy and fat. He even suggested working at a bank, or an office building as a typist or receptionist. He also told me why he put up a for rent sign on his front yard in Spanish. Apparently he believes all Spanish people lack green cards and can be cowered into submission by a threat of police. Nice man.
Oh and I should mention the chained Elephant in the lawn of another house, simply classic.
Love,
Me

Let me recap the week, it will be a long post.

On Wednesday I was getting the second steroid epidural shot. This was the day that out Internet provider decided that WE should be disconnected instead of our moved out neighbors. Then they spent over 3 hours convincing my DH that no one physically disconnected us, so the problem is on our end. It took DH less then 30 min. to go outside and connected to our neighbors Internet and another 2hrs setting up an appointment for re-connection. This was done after my epidural shot while I was on bed rest and my dad was trying to handle Baby V and all the newness of our new routine.

Here I have to stop and say how fantastic Mrs. SC is and how wonderful her daughter Miss E is. They drove me to the hospital and waited for me and drove me back. They even said they would do this again if necessary. Oh and I am never going without Miss E because with a toddler everyone gets you in to the Dr. quicker because of the looming threat of a tantrum if they wait longer then 30 min.

So back to my story of bed rest, idiotic Internet people, working, and a very active Baby V.
No Internet meant that DH would have to go IN to work, leaving us for over 12hrs, alone and shivering in the dark. Of course he had to leave during the period when my dad would leave and my mom would come, but the two would not overlap and I was left alone with a sleeping baby. I ran a huge risk of him waking up in the hour and a half of alone time, and not being able to pick him up. Thankfully he only decided to wake up at 2 am and stay up screaming at everyone but me for an hour while being diapered and fed (10oz).

I think things would have improved by now if only DH decided to sleep in the living room. You see on the 2nd day he decided that kneeing me in the back, HARD, would be just the thing to do in his sleep. I not only woke up from the pain but I beat him senseless. From that point on it has been like the shot never happened. The back HURTS! I can walk (and I do) but I cannot sit, bend, lift, turn, and pivot without pain. Maybe I will need surgery; do they even replace squished jelly donuts?

Miss EL please send me a few acupuncture locations in NY city and tell me if the weekend after next would be a good time to visit you (the labor day weekend) and if not when would be a good time. Seeing how I hate surgery even more then needles I am willing to give it a go. Besides I would love to see your apartment, before you move to another state or something.
Love,
Me

Contained

The day that I run out of wipes Baby V has the most contained poop in over 8 months. It takes the 3 remaining wipes to clean it. Some of you may be saying, ‘big deal just rinse him off with water!’ well try rinsing anything with a herniated disk the size of Texas compressing the nerves in your spinal column!
Did I mention that I have a herniated disk, two of them! Did I mention that today I get a second steroid epidural shot? Did I mention that this was the one thing I did not want to have during the 27hr birth period? Oh and did I happen to say how TERIFFIED I am of a big needles near my spine? No? Well here you go!
This time there is a no eating after midnight, till 2pm, or later. No drinking from 11am, there goes the vodka shots I was planning on doing, and finally no picking up Baby V for 2 days of bed-rest. Miss EL what were you saying about acupuncture? I think I am ready to try small needles everywhere if I can avoid another big one. E-mail me! Oh and congratulation on the long phone call (no sarcasm intended).
Oh and the boy who went to sleep as soon as you put him in the crib is GONE! He left sometime on Monday and is not coming back. Baby V no pulls up in his crib EVERY TIME you put him in his crib. He stands there tired and miserable, so I rock and rock until his eyes drift close and he nestles his cheek against me and only then do I dare transfer. I think my back may need a lot more then a simple steroid shot this time around.

In other news:
We went to the beach the other day and there was a restaurant type of place with big juicy drawing of hamburgers on the side. Proud to say I did not succumb and order a single one. I did not even have the ice cream DH insisted that I order him. Anyway this http://www.msnbc.com/comics/daily.asp?sFile=dp050817 made me think of it.

I am wearing pink Capri maternity pants (courtesy of DH) hot pink maternity undies, and a hot pink maternity shirt. Can you say laundry day? I am contemplating about going like this to the appointment. Oh and I am NOT pregnant, I just traded granny panties and sweats for all maternity. And now you know a little too much about me.

Miss EL do you have any Russian cartoons at home? Anything with Kentervilskoe Privedenie? Just asking.

Love,
Me

Question of the week.

Veal!
So let me recap the last few days. Sunday, I believe, Dh went to look at houses that he saw on the Internet in hopes of finding THE DREAM. It started raining in the afternoon, we lost power at around 4pm. My mother spent the next 3 hrs telling me to call my electric company and would not believe me when I said that no one was answering at the emergency line. To top it all off Baby V did not like the idea of seeing all his toys slowly engulfed in darkness and gave me HELL. Oh yeah and my pretty just defrosted veal cutlets were not going to become veal Parmesan without the help of a working stove. And during this mini crisis my DH was driving the wrong way on some road, and refusing me (starving an scared) the comfort of Chinese food. Thank goodness the power came on and Baby V received his bath and DH his veal Parmesan.

Rocking the house!
Remember I said Baby V was pulling up to his knees in the crib? Well we lowered the mattress and now Baby V is pulling up to standing ALL the time. Bedtime has been delayed by about 30 minutes because of having to go back into the room and help Baby V get down. Oh and to show his outrage a t being locked up, he has started throwing the pacifier at my head. Never mind that he smiles and laughs and rocks every time I enter the room, no matter what if my head gets within shooting distance the pacifier comes hurling towards me. The kid has got aim, so maybe not football but basketball … he would have to grow a few inches though.

So question of the week is … how often do you read this? Daily, weekly, monthly? I ask because I would like to know how often I NEED to post.

Storm

So now I am freaking out. Not only because Miss AM basically said to close down the blog but also because after she said it (not in those exact words of course) it started to rain and thunder SO BAD! So I kept looking out the window hoping to see the serial killer in the rain and tell DH to get his gun. So maybe I will edit and remove some posts that expose too much, any ideas?

In other news:
Baby V just got up on his knees to reach a shelf and pulled down a small box of toys. Go V! Also he slept through the night after the storm stopped scaring him awake.
Love,
Me

Vampire?

Hmm this is intresting :)

http://quiz.ravenblack.net/blood.pl?biter=Mirage+Chaos

Love and bites
Me

Baby V's plan

This is what Baby V is thinking on, apparently, a daily basis;
My mom loves me! She shows me she loves me by feeding me, kissing me, playing with me, giving me baths, and changing my diaper. By the look of it she really enjoys doing these things they bring her much pleasure. My dad loves me too! He does the same things that mom does, but less often. I always feel that I am cheating my mom out of loving me every time Dad does something. To remedy this, I have a plan! Whenever my dad changes me and hands me over to mom for a feeding I will make lots of poop for my mom. It might take a bit but I will no nap without providing her lots of poop. It will be the best poop all day and she will love me all the more for it.



This has been his thinking ever sense he stopped having bowel movement after every meal. It is either this or he is simply terrified that if he goes poop on his dads watch he will end up hanging by one foot in the shower while dad uses a rag on a stick to clean him. Could be either one, honest!

In other news;
Baby V is downing 10oz of formula at bedtime. Before that he eats 2oz of cereal and a jar of baby yogurt. Today he just guzzled 10oz for a lunchtime snack. Oh and he finally got a cheerio to his mouth and let go of it … IN HIS MOUTH!

I think I mentioned already that he is pulling up in his crib to a standing position, he is also stretching out his hands as soon as I walk through the door and falling down because he can’t stand yet! Needless to say we are lowering the mattress.

The people upstairs have moved to Florida and I miss their big loud dog and weekend parties. Why? Because now I get to hear the sounds of repairs from sunup to sundown and it is starting to get to me. The Bangs on the floor are completely unexpected and frightening at times.

DH has started looking for houses. So far my future looks like a rat-infested house for 100K in a neighborhood where I will need a bazooka to go for a walk. Do not worry, I am sure this phase will pass, just like the; “let’s build our own house and live in a trailer on the property for 10yrs while it is being built!” phase.
Love,
Me

Getting to know me

A friend of mine (Sveta) sent me this early in the morning and I thought it would make a great and easy post. Mostly because I had to answer it (I love my friends after all) so might as well do it right. I tried to be funny (failure?) and honest. So enjoy and please post your answers in the comments.
GET TO KNOW ME

1. What time did you get up this morning? 6:30am to a screaming child
2. Diamonds or pearls? Diamonds and pearls (what tacky?) I'll take whatever they are giving out :)
3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? One of the Lord of the Rings or Pirates of Caribbean.
4. What is your favorite TV show? Don't have enough channels to make an educated choice.
5. What did you have for breakfast? Coffee and baby food (Baby V refused to eat it unless I tasted it for poison first)
6. What is your middle name? Sergeevna (In Russia the middle name is the father’s first name)
7. What is your favorite cuisine? Chinese, but I will have whatever you are having, if you are paying.
8. What foods do you dislike? Indian
9. What is your favorite Potato chip? BBQ
10. What is your favorite CD at the moment? Hmmm, got to be a mix of Russian songs from old cartoons and such.
11. What kind of car do you drive? Toyota Avalon
12. What is your favorite sandwich? Philly Cheese steak.
13. What characteristics do you despise? Complete and utter bossiness, and stupidity, and whatever happens to annoy me at the moment about you or my DH.
14. Favorite item of clothing? Below the knee skirt
15. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Venice, Italy
16. What color is your bathroom? Gray, I think it used to be a different color but I can’t tell anymore ;)
17. Favorite brand of clothing? Carters, I love their bay clothes. (Baby V clothes shopping is the only thing I can tolerate).
18. Where would you want to retire to? Russia or Hawaii or a real safe Rainforest with no snakes.
19. Favorite time of day? Middle of the day
20. Where were you born? St. Petersburg, Russia
21. Favorite sport to watch? Ballroom dancing, I like to pretend that I can dance like that.
22. Who do you least expect to send this back? Not sending it out, posting it on my Blog.
23. Person you expect to send it back first? I expect someone to answer this in the comments section.
24. What laundry detergent do you use? Hmm we’re supposed to use laundry detergent? J/K! Draft.
25. Coke or Pepsi? PEPSI
26. Are you a morning person or night owl? I am an evening out type of girl, but the kid forces me to be a very grumpy morning person.
27. What size shoe do you wear? 8WW www.designershoes.com totally rocks, tell them I sent you
28. Do you have pets? My Dh oh wait he is human eh … then none but I want a dog and a cat and maybe a rabbit, oh and a ponny!
29. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with everyone? I used the crock pot and Baby V pulled up to standing using the goddamn rocking chair (there is a trip to the emergency room waiting to happen).
30. What did you want to be when you were little? Kristina Karzinkina ( no one famous but I wanted that name)
31. Favorite Candy Bar? Peanut Butter cups
32. What is your best childhood memory? Define childhood. But if that is before 10 then I would have to say that playing in the mountain of sand at my Grandma’s village house in the summer was the best! Oh and making soup from mushrooms and worms!
33. What are the different jobs you have had in your life? A manager and Brooks Brothers, cashier at Walgreen’s, Block Buster, Manager of shipping at Designer Shoe, Research assistant at John Hancock, teacher at Day Care, Catering at a synagogue, babysitting. HATED THEM ALL! Well enjoyed the shipping thing after I got more responsibilities.
34 How many different hair colors have you had? Blond and Red
35. Nicknames: None that were ever said to my face
36. Piercing? EARS
37. Eye color? Green
38. Ever been to Africa ? No Any foreign countries? Russia, Canada, Italy, France.
39. Ever been toilet papered? Not that I can recall, but honestly big chunks are missing from memory. Miss EL and Miss AM do you remember if I ever was?
41. Been in a car accident? nope
42. Croutons or bacon bits? Both and the number to Jenny Craig
43. Favorite day of the week? Any day that my mom or dad come to spend time with child and give me a chance to sleep and write my blog.
44. Favorite restaurant? Sveta you are so taking me to Barcelona in Norwalk, Ct. but I really have no favorite, I don’t go out to restaurants often.
45. Favorite flower? Anything I am not in charge of keeping alive.
46. Favorite ice cream? I know this! That new expensive ice cream with half the fat in a caramel dolce flavor or something.
47. Disney or Warner Brothers? That is like asking, shit or garbage? You kind of have to go with the garbage if you HAD to choose. But I like the guys who made finding nemo.
48. What is your favorite fast food place? Burger King
49. What color is your bedroom carpet? Hard wood floors baby!
50. How many times did you fail your driver's test? I did the ‘leg’ thing (I know unbelievable) and he did not flunk me for backing up in the middle of the street instead of along the sidewalk.
51. Before this one, from whom did you get your last e-mail? Sveta
52. Which store would you choose to Max out your credit card? Toy store totally!
53. What do you do most often when you are bored? Read Blogs! Write Blog! And read.
54 What’s your favorite movie? Pride and Prejudice, with Colin F. I love the book too.
55. Who are you most curious about their responses to this questionnaire? The two readers of the blog who I do not know, and Jesse.
56 Who was the last person you went to dinner with? Miss AM and Miss EL! Thirsty Turtle and polish guys, Amen!
57. Ford or Chevy? Are you serious?
58. What are you listening to right now? The hum of the air conditioner and DH on phone with co-worker.
59 What do you like to wear to sleep? In an ideal world nothing, in my world body armor!
60 What one thing would you change about your features if you could? I’m gorgeous! You can’t tell yet, but wait till next summer!
61. How many tattoos do you have? Zippo, but I want one, too bad I hate pain more then I want a tatto.
62. Which came first, the chicken or the egg? The chicken who was a freak because she was the first to lay an egg.
63. How many people are you sending this Email to? Just Sveta so that she loves me
64. Time you finished this e-mail? 9:30am

Hope everyone enjoyed.
Love,
Me

The Days of our lives

We went to the hospital today to get some test done on Baby V. Well it was Horrible, for me, Baby V was fairly calm by the end of it all. He had a renal ultrasound through which he barely cried, all right he bawled for about 3 seconds before he saw the monitor. He also had a VSUG, which was by far the worse experience for me and I imagine the staff as well. First he had to be catheterized, not an easy task, which Baby V enjoyed. Everyone get your minds out of the gutters NOW! Then he had to be held down while they took pictures of his insides. The screaming was so intense that he blew the cathedra out and proceeded to mark his territory all over the room and nurses. We were all standing in knee-deep baby pee and everyone was happy. I don’t know why everyone was so pleased with my little Hercules (he kicked out of all his restraints) but they were and actually encouraged him to take aim at the Dr.’s face. Ah, the joys of being a nurse!

In other news:
I have done it! Now Miss EL and Miss AM get your minds out of the gutter, although I did that too. I have used the Crok-Pot for the first time in 8.5 months. Congratulations are in order.

We also got Baby V knee guards pictures will follow later.

Also I am being given yet another shot of steroids on the 17th at 2:00pm. If you have a special relationship with god please pray that the Dr does not miss. I hate needles; one of the reasons I went without an epidural was because of a fear of needles. Ironic eh? I spent endless hours in pain jus to avoid a needle and now I am willingly going to get the same thing done, without even the benefit of a brand new baby. Yet I think it will be a while before we try for number two. Doubt I can do another 9.5lbs baby anytime soon.

Baby V is in his walker fruitlessly opening and closing the cabinet doors, very cute until we let him out of his walker and he gets into the liquor. As soon as he is down for nap I swear I will baby-proof the kitchen and wash the floors. Please hold me to that promise.

Love,
Me

P.S.
the carpet was DH's choice, I had nothing to do with it.

Mother

I need an honest opinion about this. I have been having some feelings about my mother, generally good, but some not so good. Mainly I have come to believe that my mother might be one of those people who have to have attention directed at them and no one else. Now I love my mother to distraction, just like she loves Baby V and me but sometimes the things she does put me on an edge.
My primary example happened while I was giving birth. I was induced and opted for no epidural. My mother flew in from Boston to Florida and was with us in the labor room. So after 20 hours of labor Baby V decides to come out facing the wrong way (head down but face up) and gives me back labor and I am still only dilated to 6. Now regular labor I could handle but back labor was horrid. After 3 more hours I decide that it might take me 10 more hours to get dilated to 10 and I couldn’t do it, so give me the goddamn epidural NOW. The Dr. is also saying that they might end up giving me a C-section soon so I might as well take away pain. It takes them an hour to find the woman with the miracle drugs, and the whole hour my mother behaves badly. First she tells me that I can do it without the meds, that I am stronger then that, and basically if I give in I am a failure. When the cart with the drugs arrives she starts bawling and leaves the room saying that she is SO disappointed! So for one hour of pain I was really feeling it because I could not do any of the umm ‘pain relieving’ techniques. I was too busy trying to convince my mom that epidurals were not the end of the world and I was not a bad person for getting one.
I guess I lucked out because by the time she stormed out in tears I asked a nurse if I could go to the bathroom, and after checking they were like ‘you are a 10, get the Dr., it is time to PUSH!” So to this day my mom tells me that Baby V coming into this world without drugs was her achievement, and reminds people that she tells my birth story to that if not for her I would have drank the drugs and passed out. REALLY? I think the drug free part was all Baby V! He got scared when he heard epidural and made a hasty exit (can I call 2 hours of pushing hasty?). If anything my mom made at least one hour of labor worse. Although I got to say she made like 5 other hours great by singing with me during contractions. So comments on this?
I have about 3 other examples of her doing similar things. When baby V was sick we took an ambulance ride to children’s hospital and when we got there like 5 people came up to us and said that the baby’s mother was in the waiting room. Then they stared at me like I should not be there, because I must be like no one to the baby. One nurse even asked to see some ID, from ME. Do you know what it feels like when everyone begins to doubt that you are the mother? I know that she was just worried but still. The other 2 times are less significant and not worth talking about. I will however if someone asks JBasically can everyone tell me if I am blowing things out of proportion and if I should just shut it and enjoy my wonderful mother. I have to say that I have never said anything to her but that I am just simmering here and maybe need some of you to dump some cold water one me. So … GO!
Love,
Me

Let the booze flow.

Saturday Miss EL came over in the afternoon and we waited for Miss AM. Baby V was playing on the floor and being cranky when held. His rash was apparently an allergic reaction to the antibiotic, and I thought it was prickly heat. So after Miss AM arrived we played with Baby V and headed out at noon for Stamford. There we checked into the Marriott and went to hang by the pool. Spent about 5 hours laying in the sun and splashing in the pool. While we were burning our backsides Miss AM and I watched a small colony of ants first devour and then carry back home pieces of a chip (I did not lick it Miss AM). Fascinating, really!
We went out to eat, and then buy liquor, and then finally we went out. I believe we hit Thirsty Turtle first, and I was one seriously thirsty turtle. After falling down, bawling my eyes out (the TV’s decided to play a baby commercial and I was on my 5th or 6th margarita so I missed Baby V) and drinking a lot of $5 drinks, we went back to our hotel room, sans guys, and chatted till we passed out.
I might mention that when we got to our room that afternoon Miss AM tackled me onto the bed and had her way with me. Then in the spirit of female bonding we tried pushing the beds together, but instead ended up putting the rollaway bed in the middle and doing MI-3 moves all over the ‘family’ bed. Everyone had a good time.
In the morning I threw up, because I was starving (It has happened several times before in the morning and with no alcohol involved) and woke everyone up because I just could not stand being the only one up at 8am. I find that I can not stay in bed past 8am because I start panicking and thinking that I need to check on baby, that maybe he is not breathing, because he never sleeps till 8 am. So we all got up watched some TV, and then went out to IHOP for breakfast. After an amazing meal, everyone had the same thing, the girls decided I needed a new wardrobe and bought me clothes! They also did not want to give me a receipt because they were afraid I would return everything. Nice right? So now I am about $80 poorer (because of the drinking) and a skirt and 2 tops richer. Plus I had the most amazing time catching up with my two friends. I am expecting them back real soon.
Oh and I do have compromising pictures but I am NOT putting them up. Till next time.
Love,
Me
P.S.
Baby V was very happy to see his mom back, he probably thought I was never coming back and had an awful time eating and sleeping, he even reached out to me so I could hold him. Then of course he kicked and screamed because he had enough of mommy and wanted to crawl around and stick dirty shoes in his mouth.
P.P.S.
I love you Miss EL and Miss AM.

Go to sleep! Please! Pretty Please!

Why does he insist on doing this to me? For two nights straight it has taken me 40 minutes to get Baby V to go to sleep. He cries in his crib, he cries when I hold him, when I rock him, when I walk him, he seems to quiet down after a shot of vodka, but not Tylenol. And then bam 40min after I start I put him down and he is out, anytime before the 40 min are up he cries like mad but after 40 not a peep. I just jinxed myself right? Mr. RM once said when referring to this picture, ‘He looks like an angry Asian man!” Indeed he does (no disrespect to Asians, please don’t be mad).
Love,
Me

This was taken in March.

Dear Fisher Price;

Well hello again. Just wanted to leave a quick note. Does anyone know the e-mail address of the president of Fisher Price or one of the other giant toy manufacturers? I want to write him and demand that his company cease and desist making colorful baby toys. Babies do not want color they want real things. Why can’t they make a remote control toy that looks exactly like a real remote control but can’t turn the channels or turn the TV off. Or a phone that has the same colorations as a real phone with small buttons and everything, all it has to do is light up and occasionally ring. Baby V detests his toy phone and toy remote control, but he goes crazy for the real thing. I mean sure he presses a few buttons on the ‘laugh and learn’ phone, but the second I take out my real one he is over by my side heaving his body over my fat thighs to reach the boring black phone. The child will do anything for a remote control; even get his diaper changed without jumping off of the changing table. Please Fisher Price get me a phone in black and silver that says, ‘Hi Baby V! Stop rocking the goddamn rocking chair!” The kid also has a foot fetish, or at least the beginning of one. If he sees my white slippers he goes for them, if he sees my uncovered toes (or anyone else’s toes) he licks them. Baby V also laughs hysterically when he sees wiggling toes, anyone’s wiggling toes. Yes some moms have to teach their kids not to pick their nose in public but I will be teaching him not to lick stranger’s feet.
Love,
Me

Saturday

I am counting down the days till Saturday. You see on Saturday my mother is coming down to help out and take care of Baby V, and also my friend Miss E.L. is coming up from NY and Miss A.M. is driving down from Boston. They are going to coo over Baby V for about an hour and then the three of us will be heading for Stamford to a hotel that has a pool. We plan on pool lounging, drinking, eating and most of all, talking. I have not had a night out with just these two awesome women in a long time. It will also be nice to have a picture of all of Baby V and us.
This will be a welcoming break for me. Lately I have basically fallen into a routine that is screaming for change, not all of it but some. In the morning, in the hot oppressive morning, I walk the child as everyone else in the neighborhood walks their dogs. I say Good Morning to everyone and smile my dazzling smile, and by the time we got home my jaw aches. Then once I get the child to sleep I check e-mail and cry when no one has written anything (another reason why I love this blog 3 whole comments that get sent to my e-mail). Then instead of cleaning up the mess after Baby V’s breakfast I read comics, read blogs, and think about cleaning. This goes on most of the day with big breaks for play with now grumpy child. I need to do something wholly different with my day and so I look forward to this Saturday. Miss A.M. do not dare cancel on me, you too Miss E.L. (I’ll use names only if people let me, or if they have their own blog).
Oh and last night I asked my DH what he thinks about blogs in general, he said I should totally start one if I have something to say, unless it is something about him, then I should just shut up. So I didn’t tell him about the blog but even if he finds it I have not said anything bad about him except that he hogs the bed. Besides anything that I say here I say to his face just as easily.
So count down to Saturday with me people. It is Thursday then Friday and then the glorious and never overrated Saturday.
Love,
Me

Dooce.com

I can’t decide what to post about today. I don’t think I am ready to talk about my mother, that would necessitate giving up about 2 hours, and I just don’t have the time. So let us just stick to an update on dooce.com and Baby V.
Baby V woke up with a slight temperature again. He was semi cranky all day. I should mention that he also woke up for an hour at night but then slept till 7am and I actually woke up before him. He took two naps, although one was 2 whole hours the other was just a feeble 30 min. Then it took me an hour to get him to go down for the night, possibly because he was way over tired. About half an hour into the rocking a singing I found myself singing, ‘Why aren’t you asleep, you need to be asleep, do you hate me this much? ANDY WHYYYYYYYYYYY?” at the last word Baby V looked into my eyes and … laughed. He continued laughing madly for what seemed like an eternity and then started violently shaking my head by hooking his fingers around my teeth and pushing and pulling, nice. This is all on Baby V, now on to Dooce.
Dooce.com is what got me thinking about starting my own blog. After reading a few of her entries in December I started thinking in blog entries and have finally succumbed to the blog bug. I have been re-reading all of her entries and have found myself even more in love. Of course my blog can’t lick the ground that dooce.com walks on but it can try. Anyway, today’s entry made me cry, because it is so true. Of course I e-mailed Dooce to tell her this in the most pathetic way possible. I have done the e-mail thing before, to tell her how much Baby V loved her Baby L and totally wanted to be L’s younger man. I got no response and figured that I would just admire from afar, and I have. Maybe a shipment of peanut butter cups would soften Dooce up, but I doubt it. Anyway Go read http://www.dooce.com/ all three of you (my readers).
Love,
Me

Oh No!

Well the verdict is back on Baby V, Ear infection in the left ear. Let me recap what happened today. First of all Baby v woke up with a fever and proceeded to be cranky all day. This was cranky I have never seen before. I swear I heard him chatting on the phone with the mommy service requesting another mommy, one that can carry hold him, while bouncing, while singing inane children’s songs. But I guess he has used up all his points, or whatever payment method they have adopted for 8 month children, on his last trip to Grandma’s house so now he is stuck with me. Baby V did indeed take 3 naps, and he went down crying and woke up crying and he shut up only while being fed. At 4:30 I retook his temperature and it had jumped to 101.5 so off to the pediatricians we went. Of course the fever came down to 100.2 as soon as we passed the thresh hold of the building but they still looked in his ears to find the infection. So now our total of ‘sicknesses’ in an 8-month period is: runny nose, UTI, and an ear infection in one ear. Wonderful!
When I told my mom she proceeded to instruct me on how to wrap the child’s ear and head with olive oil and skip the antibiotics we were prescribed. After an elaborate description my mom said, ‘never mind it’s messy and you will mess everything up anyway” thanks for the vote of confidence. We are in fact skipping the head wrapping because I remember perfectly well my only ear infection that was treated this way and I also remember a Dr making a house hold call to pop my eardrums and stop all the pain. Don’t get me wrong, I am sure the head wrap thing works like a charm and doesn’t corrupt anything in the body (unlike antibiotics) but I am not willing to take the chance of a mild ear infection getting worse. I can watch them try to insert a cathedra into my son but god forbid I see a needle near his precious head! NO!
I’ll update on my mom the spot light stealer and Baby V’s crankiness tomorrow.
Love,
Me
P.S.
Did I mention the kid refused Tylenol, he spit it out when I gave it to him in a dropper and he flung the trick pacifier clear across the room when he tasted Tylenol. Smart kid, takes after his parents.

Baby V is Sick!

So at around 1:30am Baby V woke up with a fever (actually 100.5 but to me it is a fever) and cried and cried. DH was on Baby watch this night so he got up with the precious bundle of joy. WAIT! This is what I would have liked to happen, not what actually happened. Yes the DH was on baby watch but he did not get up at first, he go up after I failed to quiet child in 30 minutes. Then he took over, fed the feverish child some formula, and then decided to change a clean diaper with the lights ON. By this point it is 2:15 am and the child is screaming like mad (retribution to the alcoholic downstairs neighbor) because the lights are on and he is not being rocked to sleep but is being manhandled by his father who moves slower then slow when changing a diaper. Finally at 2:30 the child was asleep and so was I. He woke up again at 5am but was satisfied with a proper pacifier and dozed till 6am. We ate took a walk and another nap. His fever is still 100.7 and he is taking yet another nap. If all goes well Baby V will have taken 3 naps today up from the now usual two, my baby is SICK! Only a truly sick baby sleeps like this instead of insisting on obsessively opening and closing the door to his ‘Laugh and Learn’ house.
If we lived in a normal American like family we would have giving baby some Tylenol and attributed the whole thing to teeth, but we don’t. We live in a family ruled by DH who believes any sort of mediation is wrong (he had a really hard time with me taking steroids and handfuls of pain relievers for my back) and a fever should not be lowered by a pain reducer. If I didn’t agree with him I would have slipped Baby V some Tylenol and would have been found out when the bright red stains were discovered in the morning.
Which brings me to my next point, sort of. We need to christen the child ASAP so that relatives in Russian can pray for his well-being.
This sickness, it too shall pass.
Love,
Me

This is Baby V happy for the one and only time this morning.

We live in a nice two-bedroom apartment in a house with 2 other apartments. The neighborhood 10 minutes away from us (towards NY) is nice, our neighborhood includes low income housing and rap being played all day every day, be it in houses next to our or in passing cars. We do have a middle school next to ours but I have never seen any kids older then 5. So we live on the first floor with neighbors above and below. The floors and walls are paper-thin so it is basically like living with all of these people in one apartment. The people above are moving to Florida this very morning while the lady below has lived here for 15 years and will continue to do so until someone finds her dead or she burns the house down.
I am thrilled that the people above with their stupid un-de-clawed dog are leaving but at the same time I am a bit apprehensive about who will move in. If the dog people were and evil I knew (oh yes moving furniture at 2 am IS evil) then my new neighbors are an evil I don’t know. Hopefully the apartment will stay vacant for months and then an old lady will move in who will be quieter then a mouse (but please god no walkers).
Now on to the lady below, call her Mrs. R (although I have never seen a husband and I don’t think there is one), she is a bitch. Now take this with a grain of salt because actually she has done really nothing BAD to us just a lot of very annoying stuff. Major offence is that she is a rumored alcoholic and smokes. She also hogs the space we are supposed to share in the basement, and because she smokes the whole basement stinks and I have to pad the crack between the basement door and the basement stairs so that our apt. doesn’t stink. Of course she listens to opera on Sunday afternoons, loud enough for me to hear every word, and some R&B every other day just as loud. She also hosts parties, but because she has a small apartment they all sit outside under Baby V’s window and laugh, yell, clap, and holler till midnight or later. I think she thinks this is payback for us using an office chair on wheels. Oh and the police have talked to me twice about her, actually asking for ID to make sure I wasn’t her. And one more thing, she hangs her laundry on a clothesline attached to OUR back porch, so she just walks right up on our tiny deck and hangs her shorts, pants, tank tops, sheets so that all I see out of the window is her stuff and not the nice green trees and scampering squirrels. So even though she might be perfectly nice on closer acquaintance, I hate her.
The End.
Love,
Me

Check out my first link, http://poopinparadise.blogspot.com/. It is a blog by my friend Angie. We have both been married for 4 years, have kids roughly the same age, and shockingly agree on a lot of stuff to implement on the Babies. At one point, while we were both pregnant, we decided to ‘DO’ www.flylady.com together. That ended when she went on bed-rest and I got so huge that reaching that sink, so that it could shine, became an experiment in contortionism. Now she is back to flying and I just fake clean every other day.
Her DH is also one of the most devoted and caring husbands out there; it is too bad his parents didn’t have more sons so that more women could have terrific husbands. In addition to feeding Baby L that first bottle, he also takes care of him every spare moment he gets off of work. The only downside to Angie’s DH is that when he is in charge of cleaning Mr. B and Mrs. Z he does it once a week. To be honest if I had to clean a cage it would be done even less.
Angie’s and mine one weakness is shopping. I mean we burn through most of our disposable income together; sometimes we burn through it when we’re apart by simultaneously shopping online. The bad thing about this shopping is that both of us are stay at home moms and the money we spend is technically our husbands, although if you believe the latest calculations neither of our husbands could afford our ‘mom’ services. My latest purchase is a toy dragon that has only one attractive feature to Baby V, a squeaking palm, it cost a fortune but I like dragons so screw my credit card limit, we’ll just not eat this week.
Love,
Me

P.S.
My other links are even better not necessarily because of content but because they have been around for about as long as I have been married and are written by writers.
P.P.S.
As soon as Angie’s first book comes out I’ll link it.
P.P.P.S.
If my stupid alcoholic neighbor and her drinking buddies wake up baby I am taking DH’s revolver and getting justice! No one should ever wake my baby, EVER!

Today was one of the days when I desperately needed to be alone for like 90 minutes! So I told my DH that I needed to clean the floors, so he had to take Baby V to the Dr’s office to get ‘bagged’, their term for collecting a urine sample from an 8 month old baby who can’t pee in a cup no matter how much you train him too. Usually when I send the men out into the streets I kick up my feet and read blogs till they come home, but this time I actually had to do housework. I figured that my DH might get wise to the whole clean house trick if the dust bunnies under the bed started talking to him at night. So off they went to what I figured would be a horrific experience and I put the dinner on the stove and started sweeping and mopping. Halfway through the apartment the men came home with 2 bags and a cup with a green lid. So we wrestled Baby V into one of those bags and the bathroom and bedroom are still chock full of dust bunnies. If anyone is visiting my home in the next week or so, please enter the bathroom in full protective gear, I’ll provide the goggles
Love,
Me

My little manly flower

Thought I'd share some pictures. Actually just one now. This is Baby V wearing a gift from one of my swap momies at Babycenter.com

Aunt Flow is back at it.

Well isn’t this wonderful! Aunt flow has barely left the building when she decided to come back for another round! This makes 3 periods in a month and a half. And I have just spent 1 hour trying to get an appointment with a GYN and so far nothing. Waiting to hear from a supervisor … and I think I have already talked to her. My mother screams at me that I am anemic and should be fainting right and left, my dad says I exaggerate, and my DH always looks so disappointed every time I tell him, “Not tonight dear!”
On top of it all my back is starting to hurt again. I herniated a disk in my lower back giving birth to Baby V and have only recently found a Dr. who actually figure out it might be a herniated disk. So now I am getting steroid shots (hey maybe this is why I am having non stop bleeding) in my back. I think the last shot is wearing off and I need to schedule another one. I hate scheduling.
If this post makes a lot of sense, GOOD! If not, too bad!
Love,
ME
P.S.I got a call from the pediatrician saying they got the bags to take Baby V’s urine sample, so we go in today after 3.